I’M BACK IN BUSINESS, BABY!

I’m Back! and I’ve relocated!

http://bowser-blog.blogspot.com/

Be there!

EVC News

Hey guys, great news! Bill’s gonna be at The Evil Villan’s Convention! No, not Bill Gates, Stupid! I already told you he’s going. I’m talking about Bill from “Kill Bill!” I loved that movie. Lotsa evil things in it. For example,

*Spoilers*
When Beatrix Gouged out What’s Her Face’s Eye! That was classic.
*End Spoilers*

Oh, man, I just can’t wait. I’ll tell you all about it saturday. The reason I’m tellin’ on Saturday instead of Thursday is because, I’m invited to the after-party. I’ll be hung over on Friday. And on Friday afternoon, I’m going to clean out my evil closet. Which is practically empty, aside from a couple of extra shells. I need some new shells, by the way. I’ll probably Spray-paint one of them Black. That’s gonna be awesome! I gotta get some cash first but here’s the plan:

I spray-paint the Shell black, the spike’s will be silver, built in XM Radio and fuzzy dice hanging off the rear view mirror, it’s gonna be off the hook! My shell will have the Hydrolic suspention, ect., ect.,

Back to the castle + Progress Reports

I escaped the Hospital and I got home. Mario spared 5 of my remaining Minons. Speaking of which, do you guys think I should keep calling them “Minons?” or should I call them “Sevants”, or “Henchmen”, or “Lackeys?” Nevertheless, I now have 5 of what used to be an army of 100 Lackeys.

So, here are the Progress Reports:
Peach is currently in the hands of Mario.
My army consist of two goombas, and three koopas.
The evil castle is in great shape. Mario, just took peach and left without destroing any of the castle. Thank goodness he’s an ignorant Plummer.

In other news, I will be attending the EVC next week. The EVC (The Evil Villan’s Convention) will be awarding evil villans with awards based on their behavior. I imagine Ganon is going to win a great Prize for his performance in Twilight Princess. And other evil people will be their as well, including Zant, Bill Gates, and Myself. So I will be giving information about that next week. Until then, here’s the official banner:

I accually knew that guy in the picture. He was evil. He tied women to train tracks, y’know. Those kind of cliche things.

Ask Bowser #2: Two Questions

When you were dining with Ganon, how did you two get kicked out exactly? And another thing: Did you know in the lower left-hand corner of your blog there is a little black smiley face?

~DmNt

To answer your first question, how did we get kicked out, they knew our only weakness: pastries. Sweet, delicous, delectable, cream filled, pastries. They set them out in the parking lot. We saw them while we starred out the window, and when we realised they were pastries we ran to go get them! But, it turns out, they were decoys! They were made out of play-doh! A note on the box said, “We don’t allow your kind. Stay out of Pizza-Hut.”

“Those racist fools!” I screamed. “Let’s go back inside, Ganon, you use your power of evil to disenegrate their pathetic bodies, while I steal the remaining pizza!”

When we ran back, the door was locked. So, we egged their windows and Toilet-paper-teepeed their Trees! Just like last haloween. Ah, the memories…

To answer your second question, “Did I know in the lower left-hand corner of your blog there is a little black smiley face?” Of course I do. I put that there. It’s not accually a smilely face, It’s something I use to distract you while I sneak into your house and steal all of your stuff. BWAHAHAHA! DmNt, good luck finding your car keys before you go to work tomorrow!

Darn you, Mario!

A minon of mine took some snapshots of the incident that led me to this hospital! And, when I saw it, It all came back to me!

It was Mario! That pathetic plumber tossed me straight into a mine! He took the Princess as well. That little theif, I’ll get you Mario! One way, or another, I’ll get you!

I don’t care if I’m fully healed yet, I’m going home, and then I’ll plot my revenge! You’ll see! You’ll see, I catch that mad, maggot, magnate, maladroit, malaise, Mario, and I will Malevolently and malicly maim and mutilate that wretched fool, for I, am the Malefactor!

Ask Bowser #1 pt. 2

So, yeah. I’m making this post on my laptop…from the hospital. The doctors said I had temporary amnesia, and it would wear off by the end of the day. I don’t remember much, but, I remember this guy with a red shirt, red cap, and blue overalls, grabing my tale. Then, he spun me around in circles. After that, nothin’. I’m sure I’ll remember by the end of the day.

My nurse is walking in, with a vase of flowers…

Nurse: “These are for you.”

“Who are they from?”

Nurse: “Some evil guy from gerudo named Gannon.”

So, I take them and read the letter that came with it.

“Get well soon. I hope you like these flowers. They’re man-eating venus fly traps. Oh, and by the way, it’s Ganon! Not “Gannon!” I read your blog and you spelled my name wrong! Anyway, get well soon. By the way, there’s a party at my house 8:00 this Friday. Your invited, So get well.”

…I knew I was spelling his name wrong! Well anyway, I guess I’m gonna go to his party. I imagine he’s celebrating meeting his goal on WeghtWatchers. That guy lost a ton of weght!

I mean, seriously, look at his before and after photo:

That, is some serious stuff! He’s gotten taller, too, so, that helped out a lot.

Ask Bowser! #1

Hey…I just want to say that it’s a pretty bad idea to leave Peach alone with 2 goombas and a koopas. You saw how quickly he dispatched the minions in world 1. I do believe it’s time to hire the one thing that got close to defeating Mario….

A GIGANTIC CHAIN CHOMP. Simply leave the minions there, and when he kills them…unleash the big dogs.

From,
David. A.K.A. MisterInvisible

WHAT!? You think My specially trained Minons can’t handle protecting a single door!?

…

Acually… you do have a point… I’ll be right back…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Oh, Crap. Darn you Mario!

“Minons, pack my bags, were going to Princess Peach’es castle!”

Goomba: “It’s too late sir, he’s already here!”

“Who is?”

Mario: “It’s a me! Mario!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

…To be continued…

I burnt myself!

Today, as I was making some Popcorn, I blew my flames over the Kettle-Korn goodness that was Act-II brand popcorn. But, my flames caught the curtans on fire, and as I ripped them off, it scorched my hands! The doctor said I had 2nd degree burns.

“What!?” I yelled. “2nd degree burns!?”

“Yes, you will have to wear these bandages for a week.”

“Got anymore bad news!?”

“Perhaps. Do you realize your health insurance expired?”

“So what?”

“Here’s your bill, sir”

The Bill was several thousand dollars! I yelled, “All you did was say I had 2nd degree burns and you gave me a band-aid!”

“Medical procedures require vast sums of money, sir…”

At the end of the day, I wasn’t the only one with 2nd degree burns. Bwahahahaha!

Progress Reports, 6/5/07

It seems that Mario has made it past World 1. Nothing serious so far, but I have sent some of my minons down to World 2. I’m pretty sure I won’t run out of available soldiers, because, there are many that started signing up. We should have Mario destroyed before tomorrow. BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Dinner with Gannon

So, yeah, we had a blast. I parked in the drive-way at pizza-hut at 8:00 exactly, and that early bird was already there. So, we walked in and ordered the BBQ flavored Pizza with Cheesesticks on the side, and man, that was delicious! So, while we were eating, we discussed what was going on lately.

I mentioned the new Super Mario Galaxy game coming soon for the Wii. I said to him “That guy Mario wins almost every game, but I think I got him this time!”

Gannon said, “Whatever, you say that all the time. But it never works out.”

So, I said “Well I got the elements on my side. The elements, of suprise.”

“Is that Mario right over there?” Gannon said, as he pointed behind me.

“Oh-no! Where!?!” I scream.

“Haha, gotcha!” says Gannon.

“That’s not funny!” I said. “I almost wet myself!”

Gannon laghed uncontrolably. I was so embaressed…

But, later, we started talking about other things. He still regrets the whole, imprisoning Noburu in a statue thing. I keep telling him, It’s in the past, Gannon. Just let it go. I can’t believe he feels this way after so long. In real life, suprisingly, he’s a real tender guy.

So, it’s about 9:00, and the waitress has to kick us out. We of course, didn’t tip the waitress, y’know, since we’re evil. So, we both said bye, and walked to our cars. We talked on the cell-phone all the way back. I ask him, “Well, where are you going now?” He says, “There’s a party at MewTwo’s house, do you wanna go?” I say, no, I gotta get back to the castle. Got plans for tommorow.” He says, “Alright. See ya later, bye!”
“Bye” I echo back to him. I hang up the phone, and go full speed all the way to the castle.

Okay, here’s the truth. I have no plans for tommorow. I just didn’t want to go to the party. That MewTwo guy? He creeps me out. His phychic abillities just scare me, kinda. Especially when he’s at a party. I mean, he’s drunk, and he has psycic powers. You just know something bad is going to happen.

Well, anyway, I guess it’s time for bed. I’m really tired. I think I’ll make one of my minons give me a foot massage… that sounds really nice right now…